I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
