dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
