Nicole vs. Life
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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