I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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