I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
