So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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