woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
