Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
