Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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