I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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