he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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