Can i not drive my cunt home
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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