I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
