At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't deserve a penis
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
