i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you had me at cake vodka
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
