Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
