i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
