I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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