After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
