I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
