so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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