well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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