My underwear smells like fireworks.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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