Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
