walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
