so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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