the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
