Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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