He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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