I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
