I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
