fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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