break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ketchup is God's man juice
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
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Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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