I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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