yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
