Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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