i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Everything about him screamed your future.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
