somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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