your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm jealous of your bromance
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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