tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
