Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
