oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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