dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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