I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize