One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
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