listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
