Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
