she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
