my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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