Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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