And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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