So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
