dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
