Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
