everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
