i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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