How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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