I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
