Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
