you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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