Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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