12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
