Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
