drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dicks are not precious.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
