my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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