Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
