i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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