You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
