I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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